Archive for January, 2010

On finding time (don’t laugh)

I’ve been thinking a lot about finding time in the day….time to read a book when it’s not twenty minutes past when I should have gone to sleep, time to finally dust the mantle or arrange the knick knacks that were thrown out of a box when we moved in a year ago. Time to write, time to paint. Time to fix breakfast in the morning. Time to take a bath (I don’t remember when the last time this was, and I have a perfect-for-bubble-baths clawfoot tub. And yes, I’ve showered, thank you).

I know everything above is a luxury, except breakfast. But I don’t know how I could squeeze in another second to do just about any of these things. I never thought I’d be a working mom (not that you SAHMs have luxurious afternoons or anything–I realize you work longer hours than I do most of the time!). But it seems like between the morning hustle, the brief daycare-then-work routine, then whatever I can muster at the end of the day…it just is a relentless hamster wheel.

And sometimes, I just want off the hamster wheel, just for a little while. Not an escape from motherhood or marriage, but just a way to hit pause without somehow leaving anyone hanging.

I’m beginning to see the wisdom in asking for a day to myself for my birthday and might just make a habit of it. In the meantime, for the next 353 days, I want to learn how to be more efficient. How to not waste energy or duplicate efforts, with the goal of breathing a little more, of maybe, someday having a few minutes to soak in the tub with a book of poetry and actually pay attention to the words on the page.

Thanks for letting me rant. I think I just needed to get that off my chest!


29 January 2010 at 6:51 pm 1 comment

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